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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a: b/ r, _( d# A" a( b

7 D0 i4 j) X/ Q  |  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一9 x% n# i0 h" g8 D
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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& K5 J5 n2 V. U/ q6 I" K  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一% |- D2 J( Y+ O+ }7 N4 }
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  样死法啊!* @# q' y% v2 W+ i9 k0 H  K9 v

) c" U: k. t: g! W  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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+ K$ Z$ D7 `- R3 j8 F6 u  with experience.' R) {3 Q4 E+ {
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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( @9 c; x" D+ ]" f( r  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。  ]! _: A! j- e+ v7 q
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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( @0 S5 O, u9 Y0 _  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.6 D1 U6 _! U' ?4 L" u
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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1 C4 B& t. X5 ^5 N# t0 b3 M  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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, b  E. L  w6 A" H7 a  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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- H! O) O+ B" D7 Y6 S  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.6 ?) ]+ A/ }3 O/ o: c5 n5 I. |% o

2 `5 w) h! u9 _/ I" w1 Y  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd) i' E4 D5 f$ O* z

( G2 S! E! o3 D6 m' N5 e  better have a good hand.
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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7 j! F  C* P0 j, B/ b- Q/ s, m  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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, `4 _) K4 ~. ^# W# R, |/ G  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.- S; [+ O  S8 M% e# X0 z" F: G

; y& b; u/ g/ E9 n1 Y- Q2 h  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去1 f0 X* ~" T  h" @3 k: ?

! b9 L3 r  O" Y7 D* B; I8 `  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan3 h& F. o' o. |: V  v" J: \+ _

' Q0 O" x- k. p; D! V  ged regularly, and for the same reason.* f$ d  [# I; o- X! X
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  了!!
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) O: _" J+ c3 q8 z/ R3 C; }. M" `  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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& E5 O/ M& K+ W* _  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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( d" W# H4 a- Z0 N  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!% y) r/ x' c1 D# S* k) e1 X
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.0 p: z: x1 f$ o$ C. r

0 m0 r: `) \, T5 ?2 J  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。2 U: S1 s$ A* F8 J6 a" @
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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3 B6 [' k0 A6 e. l% z7 E5 N7 m* `  n, make him a sandwich.
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+ z( b3 R/ y4 l3 c% S  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt- O) ?, o% _; r0 P2 g$ \9 Y
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  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B.../ K$ N5 _! A/ p! s$ I. v) b) O
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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  n  y9 i4 X+ g: ], e! W  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.) M% r" h$ ?. o' f' g- L

  P5 Q) }3 x' a, n- w) D; u  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment$ b' X) l, b) K" t* U7 h' a; z

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0 O, ?0 t2 q2 N  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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9 P9 z5 C* }8 F2 G  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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1 D  J. Q. U! C  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.
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2 K* u* ?0 D1 y# h( U1 f* C  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。2 w# x, A* t. j0 N. O; L& t! g
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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+ Z! u5 @0 J: J& @  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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  T4 V2 K; K% i7 P6 I5 d2 E( u$ W  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy5 \: H" L* _" R0 \

: l& ^$ k. g* I$ C. |. P5 d5 I! |  s it?
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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8 T% A$ k1 o$ f$ `/ T  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  X6 C' |4 [( @6 b! z5 \# d  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。) ~: x! g& j8 C
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"6 G5 |# P' a9 e$ w/ g, n

- B6 X" @, a" |; k; b  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.; r' |# O0 h/ w  G

$ n! ?! A# ?1 t9 Z( A) \1 ~  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!# ]; s8 o6 w9 J8 W; k: }' b) ~

, L) F  I: k; h! V  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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  same night.
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9 h2 B5 V& ]! {8 Y. @  W1 X  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。: A6 {3 h( e! |; S

4 a8 j; t6 G- S) @- I  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian$ ^& |. z* r8 u0 o/ S% [& h* F
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..2 w2 N7 b: i; D6 [5 }$ E
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…( v1 L7 z% d4 X

+ r( t! p; V6 G& n  f" ]6 H  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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& x- t8 E! U" z# v& \# S  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv2 ~. q1 C: u7 I& c7 l

% L+ J! J# n& W2 q0 O  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the7 K+ @9 I! C5 P6 p" T5 ]% Y7 z

- g8 n* N% e) R8 n# v  m fish?
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  O9 |! \3 l! w& O, H0 Q* `; Q; O  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃8 W" P/ Z! U& E7 O7 `5 a+ \( N
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  了。9 F+ ]) K' L$ ]& V" Z* {

5 ~2 |4 L8 T. R/ L" ]5 d  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin9 k; a3 V' v  F& e  O' Y$ Z3 h

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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!8 F4 {1 h4 ?- F* ^/ Y) Y0 [
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan3 g7 T+ ]2 _; a# C& h/ h
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  ts?"# b# M, _- k. A1 H! N* M) y4 Z
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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* U9 S* z# m. w4 i# l1 _# x1 J6 I  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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' a' U5 @$ `7 A% X. D" J  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu7 x- t# i( j3 }0 q
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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0 K5 p1 r- M  j; c+ @1 x  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?* z' A+ n5 s: \
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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* m  {! p8 {5 v  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  v5 E* L5 I1 H9 G% H7 H3 O  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释# ~) T6 i# ?, L
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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# P" \$ c3 D: w. {6 W  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'* _+ w: C7 E2 X+ x& t

. {3 k$ J& \" Y- {5 P  t need it.
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。$ l5 H; E# }! T8 o# M
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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$ a5 d: h" J/ N" Z! Y. y  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!3 Y: z( n3 K$ c2 i

3 z9 G4 j& A! T$ U( i- z  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." Z5 d8 y. G) [) x
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?# `4 f# l2 P4 \$ H' o- G

; g) M4 e# ]0 F$ x6 p% `  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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: p5 N0 u; o/ T$ v) Z3 s5 ?9 S  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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/ Q' p" o* H! a1 |  E4 w  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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5 v8 ]% d# u6 _) V/ j  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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8 E, ^/ l! u3 ?& b' A0 v% j  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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+ Z; b; `* Q) P  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。" z: v& d! E: F" W* j! E, b
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi2 i! h  r. `( l7 T

5 Y: m$ f+ n3 ~7 S% O0 K% [  rls live.2 O& {; k) a, l0 m8 h

1 V/ _% @3 u0 M! U0 u# `" Y  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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) }6 e/ t' L  v) C) F( E  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear+ z5 W6 V2 d  Y! y7 j3 b
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  ch.
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。5 ]' G/ A5 j/ }/ o2 l3 t

; K$ k9 d5 q2 k+ y1 v" {9 V# L  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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% ^5 `5 n+ b  o; i9 R* k' D( z  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a/ @; P" y! G) s8 g' @7 B

" B; S. e$ g8 f1 s  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
0 T% s6 b5 S) H5 t: m! Y% r* ~) I" H( G* @5 O
  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。
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4 }6 y! r" X) ~( J7 ~1 ?9 t7 P  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.! h( `2 u& A. L

: J7 ~% h" ^0 C  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。/ c3 n3 U) j7 v8 O% N; C

4 x! D: W+ U( ~5 ^( S$ ?# B6 d  t2 a  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。. Q7 ?& D7 b7 w( {+ a
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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9 ]' y: ~. Y  w# _2 W8 P5 l  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!- p( K3 g- ]9 t$ Y* Y0 _

" f' }; j# a+ L; w  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc. p) g" |4 Q: U1 ]

* J- x* \1 {$ p  {& Z+ |  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?- ]/ [$ v0 C* K& ?: H8 K6 F3 Z

  A1 Q& O0 b% s' X. C- V  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什0 T* w! y& z, t/ F) E0 C
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  么忙?!
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- l; l) I0 U) a9 l, v3 l$ f  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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